Why "holding the space"? And what does that mean exactly?
February 2024
I’m hoping that this blog, as it grows, will give you some understanding of the emotional and psychological processes that all of us experience, just by virtue of being complex human beings!
And just to state the obvious – counsellors are also human, and we’re complex too. We’ve had to go through pain, anger, self-doubt… all the messy, confusing stuff of human life. It means we get what you’re going through, and we can hold a compassionate space for your story and experience.
So what do I mean when I say “hold a compassionate space”? How can someone hold a space?
To answer this, let’s step back to childhood for a minute, to a time when we were dependent on parents or caregivers for safety, nurture, love and protection. If we fell and hurt ourselves, if we lost our favourite toy, or our best friend didn’t want to play…. all those times when the world seemed to end in a crescendo of unconsolable loss – we needed an adult to soothe and comfort us. Ideally, this would have given us an experience of feeling held, both literally with a caring hug, but also held by the security of that parental relationship, a security we felt in our bodies through hearing gentle words spoken, seeing a kind face, savouring the time our caregivers spent calming our emotional upset.
In these moments when the child is soothed, the internal and emotional experience of her distress has been attended and attuned to, fully seen and understood. The child, in her moment of vulnerability, has been held by a nurturing relationship, knowing someone was there for her, alongside her.
Ok, now let’s jump back to the present – can you think of a time, as an adult, when you experienced a good connection with another person? Maybe it was sharing a joke with a colleague, watching TV with your kids, going on a walk with a friend… Can you remember how it felt to be connected? As though you’re in a space of connection and belonging with another, a space you’ve created together through being in relationship?
These moments of connection bind us together. These are the bonds that hold us in a web of belonging and shared meaning, providing us with a deep inner security, with a sense of “I’m ok, and the world is ok.”
But… of course sometimes we don’t feel ok, and nor does the world. We can lose our sense of belonging and connection to others, and struggle to make sense of why this has happened.
This is where I can step in. I can hold a safe space for you to work out the ‘why’, so you can get back to feeling ok.
I can hold a space for connection – where all those messy, confusing emotions can be held by our therapeutic relationship. Many of us did not consistently access the ideal nurturing relationship in our childhood years, we weren’t sufficiently held when we needed it most. I offer a space where you can experience this relational holding and authentic connection. And more importantly, through our work together, you can learn to give that holding and attunement to yourself.
Please contact me if you’d like me to hold this space of connection for you.
The world needs us to learn how to connect and stay connected, I truly believe this. Warmly, Paula