In-Person & Online
Both couples and individual clients come to me for help in understanding and resolving issues in their relationships, whether this is between parent and child, or with an intimate life partner. When we invest so much of our emotional security and identity in relationships, it makes sense to seek help when those relationships aren’t meeting our needs.
Some couples come to me in the heat or aftermath of a crisis, for example when infidelity has triggered betrayal and a rupture of trust.
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Others seek support for ways to rekindle connection after years of feeling they are living separate, distant lives.
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Disagreement about ways of parenting can be safely explored, supporting greater family unity and modelling to children healthy ways of dealing with conflict.
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If both partners feel the relationship has come to an end, counselling can be a valuable space for creating a conscious ending that fully honours the story you have woven together.
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There is a space too for those who wish to deepen an already good relationship into a more expansive, vibrant vessel.
What others say about relationship counselling with me…
Testimonials
“Your guidance has truly made a difference.”
“We have seen Paula as a couple for the past 3 years. Initially very regularly to help iron out some relationship issues and following that, less frequently as a kind of check-in to pre-empt any problems. We find Paula to be compassionate, non-judgemental and very, very skilled at listening and her way of counselling is both gentle and robust. We would both recommend Paula unreservedly for couples counselling.”
“Paula was a compassionate and understanding presence during a difficult time in our marriage. From the very beginning, she created a safe and open environment where we could be honest and vulnerable. Her thoughtful and insightful guidance helped us work through our challenges with clarity and patience. “
“Paula’s heartfelt support and encouragement were key to helping us reconnect and move forward together. We are deeply grateful for her kindness, wisdom, and the positive impact she has had on our relationship.”
I understand that it can feel like a big step bringing your relationship to a counsellor. I am experienced in creating a supportive space that really holds the emotions and needs of both partners, and enables a deeper, more open communication between you.
“We just can’t talk to each other any more….” – couples can often get to a stage of not being able to listen to each other, where attempts at conversation become reactive and defensive.
I provide a calm, safe and neutral space where communication can become slower, more reflective; a space where you can start to properly listen to each other, and tune in to the unmet needs that lie behind anger and frustration.
I offer a space of compassion and acceptance.
Questions such as “What does your relationship need? What is in the best interests of the relationship?” encourage you to start thinking and behaving relationally.
In choosing to work with me, you invite me into your relationship dynamic, so we can collaboratively work together in support of your relationship.
I will look at how patterns of behaviour from each of you have created a unique relationship dynamic and cycle of interaction. These relationship patterns usually originate in childhood within our family, which is where we unconsciously create an internal ‘map’ of relationships and develop a unique Attachment style.
Bringing awareness to these unconscious patterns can help you understand how each of you has individually contributed to the current issue or impasse. The next step is then to take responsibility and focus on how you want to address this in order to move closer together.
When is the right time to seek help?
If you’re struggling to connect and communicate… feeling lost and poorly equipped to shift patterns of stuckness between you… if life has thrown a series of painful challenges your way which are threatening to undermine your relationship…
I know the deep anguish of being in a relationship that feels like it’s ‘failing’, and I care about facilitating authentic, fulfilling relationships.
Many people resist bringing their relationship problems to a counsellor. I believe this is often because we carry a sense of shame that we’ve not been able to work it out ourselves – a “what’s wrong with us?” mindset, coupled with an unhelpful comparison to others’ seemingly ‘perfect’ relationships.
Given the increasing pressures we experience in our lives, it’s normal that frustration and resentment build in relationships, often driving a wedge between connection and passion. In times of stress, we fall back into default, unconscious stress responses – these are often isolationist and defensive, just when we need to pull together and work as a team!